Friday, October 07, 2011

Recipricocity


re-post

You may not have a baby at crawling age
But if you ask visitors to your home to remove their shoes, you send a message that it is acceptable to keep your home shoe-free. That makes life easier for those who do have crawling babies.

You may not have a new carpet
You may have an old carpet that needs replacing or a wooden
floor that is covered in scratch marks. But if you have a shoes-off policy, it will make it easier for those who do have a new carpet to do the same.

You may not live in an area where there is pesticide on the ground
But if you have a no-shoes rule in your house, it will send a signal that it is okay for those who do.

32 comments:

Sandro said...

On an upmarket housewarming party in one of the episodes of a US reality show (the shows features few NY couples), a guest offers to remove her shoes.The host said "no" and then commented for the camera: "we don't require shoes off, only from children". It looks "shoes on" isn't a default policy anymore and requres special mentioning.

Sandro said...

Sorry, I skipped "I" in "requires".
BTW now watching a home-renovation show on a Russian channel: everybody is shoes on in an apartment just renovated, while it can't be imagined in daily Russian life. I think it's due to cameras around ). Might be the same reason of shoes-on in the NY show.

Matthew Celestis said...

Thanks for sharing. It is often like that over here as well.

Again there is that weird assumption that childrens' shoes are dirtier than adults.

richyrich said...

The idea that it's OK for adults to keet their shoes on but that children should take their off shows an attitude of "Don't do as I do, do as I say", which in my view is never a good way of teaching good behaviour to children.

Sandro said...

BTW the lady who offered to remove her shoes was seemingly afraid to scratch the floor and tiptoed. I guess she would be glad to de-shoe, and only seeing the hosts with their shoes on obviously stopped her.

Sandro said...

Goog point, Rich

Matthew Celestis said...

Giving the option of keeping shoes on to guests causes confusion; they feel led to keep them on, but then worry about bringing in dirt or causing a scratch. People should just be candid and ask nicely for shoes-off.

If this hostess got her floors scratched, she deserved it for being so silly.

Sandro said...

That's right, Mat)

Ian said...

Not entirely sure i'd agree with that. I shouldn't have to change my behaviours in my own house to suit visitors. Besides, friends know the score and other visitors tend to be dealt with in the kitchen.

I've found it confusing when someone has maybe laid a new floor and tell you to remove them but the next visit everyone in the house is wearing shoes while you go to take yours off.

Shoes off houses should at least tell expectant visitors beforehand or to just ask upon arrival. :)

Matthew Celestis said...

So Ian, would you prefer that people who want shoes off let you know rather than leave you to guess it?

Emma said...

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the nice comments.

Not sure whether I mentioned this, but I am doing the babysitting as an "extra" job to earn some more money. Anyway first appt is tomorrow evening!!

Hope this does'nt bore you, but at the interview the lady who owned the business was in slippers. The secretary was out buying milk when I arrived so I saw her walk down the drive when she returned and latter saw her coat and brown knee-length boots at the door.

I was introduced to her and she was just in her stockinged feet, with a blouse and skirt.

Richy - I had'nt seen your earlier posts, but am glad I am not the only one who works shoeless.

Why did your colleague do it and did you or anyone else object?

Have you ever come across slippers in a work enviroement (although to be fair in this case it was the lady's house)?

Hope you don't mind me asking?

Ian said...

I would very much prefer that they let me know rather than keep me guessing Matthew. Saves the embarrassment of walking into their house and being told off or something. In my home guests can do what they like, I don't mind tho I will point out that my dog is casting her coat. :)

I don't mind being asked at the door if I don't have the presence of mind to ask first. Also i'd rather know if a strangers or friend of a friend's home does this in advance, just helps remove some awkwardness about it. :)

richyrich said...

Hi Emma,
Good luck with your first appointment tomorrow. When you go to the client's house, are you planning to bring a pair of slippers with you or just stay in your stockinged feet?
Of course I don't mind you asking me any questions, you're welcome to ask me anything you like.
The lady I used to work with said that she just didn't like wearing shoes and that she was glad to get them off and just pad around in her stockinged feet whenever she could. A few did ask her why she never wore shoes but that was out of curiosity rather than any disapproval, we all got used to it after a while. A few of the others in the office (females on the whole rather than males) also took off their shoes occasionally (for instance in hot weather)but not as regularly as her.

richyrich said...

Emma,
In answer to your other question, about a year and a half ago, when there was heavy snow, I did see a female colleague of mine wearing slippers in the office, on the same day, another lady was in her stockinged feet, although none of us at the office mentioned the subject, I was assuming that both of them had removed their shoes because it was very slushy outside and they didn't want to make a mess on the office's carpets (or I suppose it could just be that they felt uncomfortable wearing wet shoes at the office)Those of us who kept our shoes on did leave quite a bit of mess on the carpets, so it was to the two women's credit that they went without their outdoor shoes at the office.

Matthew Celestis said...

Thanks, Ian. A lot of people really want people to take their shoes off in their homes, but think it would be rude to actually say so. They don't seem to realise that a lot of people would prefer them to just speak their minds and ask.

Emma said...

Hi Richy,

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

I am going straight from work, so will just be in my stockinged feet.

I know it's silly but I was in a rush this morning and forgot to put my slippers in my bag.

Just hope they have'nt got a grotty floor!! (I am sure they won't - they they are generally pretty good clients from what I have been told).

richyrich said...

Emma,
How did your first appointment go? Were the clients a "shoes off" family?

Emma said...

Hi Richy,

Thanks for asking.

It went really well, v nice poeple, but I have to say to my surprise not a shoes off home!!

I did take mine of though - as I think I mentioned it's company policy plus I prefer it.

The attitude of the lady you used to work with is exactly how I feel.
Just prefer to take them off and go in my stockinged feet.

How old was she and what type of clothes and shoes did she wear?.

Sandro said...

Emma, it's been a very wise decision that you took your shoes off. Whatever others do, we need to act as we think it is right to.
Maybe, you'll give the hosts an idea to reconsider their shoe policy! BTW, how did they react to your walking shoeless?

Emma said...

Hi Sandro,

They said there was no need, but as you probably gathered I prefer just going in my stockinged feet anyway - I do it in the office as well.

richyrich said...

Emma,
Glad your first appointment went well. Are you planning to take off your shoes on future visits to these clients' house even though they said that you don't have to? And also are you going to bring your slippers with you on future visits to clients' homes?

The lady I used to work with was about 20 years old at the time. She was always smartly dressed for work (she was a secretary)she usually wore a blouse, knee length skirt and light coloured tights. She would sometimes wear smart trousers. Her shoes were mostly ankle strapped high heels and as soon as she arrived at her office in the morning (often before she's even taken off her coat)she would bend over and unstrap her shoes before taking them off and leaving them by her desk until lunch break when she would put them back on to go out. She would then repeat the same ritual when she came back to the office after lunch and then not put the shoes back on until it was time to go home. It would probably come as no surprise to you or anyone else reading this that she said that the first things that came off a soon as she got home were her shoes!
Do you mind me asking what kind of dress does your workplace have and what kind of shoes do you wear to get into work? And when you do take off your shoes at work do you leave them by your desk or somewhere else?

Thanks,

Richy

richyrich said...

Hi Emma,

I the last paragraph of the above posting I meant to ask what kind of dress code does your workplace (I mean your day job place) have?

Richy

Sandro said...

So do I, Emma )

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Moderate Mouse said...

First off, the "Anonymous" comment appears to be spam unless I'm seeing things.

Second, my boyfriend does not have a shoes-off rule, but I've nonetheless been shoeless in his apartment (at a time when he was as well), a couple of times, but it would be more along the lines of something that would eventually happen rather than right upon entering, and it would be, let's just say, warranted at the time. There's no shoes off rule where I live either. (Since I live with my mom and stepdad, who own the place, that sort of thing is up to them. I could go either way on that at this point, but I digress.) I had my boyfriend over this past Saturday, and I was in my slippers at the time (which were a discreet black ballet flat kind, plus I'm often in slippers at home...I doubt he noticed), but I eventually slipped those off to curl up on the couch. He also eventually slipped his sneakers off for comfort. Not that I really cared if he did that or not. As far as I've been able to tell, he doesn't seem to have any strong feelings one way or the other regarding the concept of the shoe-free home. (Not that the subject has by any means come up between us.) Just saying.

Emma said...

Hi Richyrich,

Thanks so much for answering my questions.

The babysitting agency has a policy of shoe removal or changing into slippers in all clients homes, whether they have a shoes off policy or not. Soyes I would take my hoes off either in the same client's, home or any others.
Even if this was'nt the case I would anyway?

I have started to carry a pair of slippers with me, although prefer just stockinged feet most of time.

Although, Iwork for a small company I have a uniform in work (sorry if I am going on too much here!!). It is a dark grey jacket with matching skirt or formal trousers (I usually wear knee lenght skirt) white blouse and a silk scarfe at the neckwith black shoes.

I usually wear black courts with about 3.5 inch heel, although also some T-bar shoes and knee-length boots in autum / winter.
I leave them near my desk in case I need them or go to the loo in which case Iput them back on.

Was the youung lady you mentioned your secretary? Her shoes sound fiddly to put on and take off!! I am lucky as my office is small. Did she just leave them off and pad all over the office in her stockinged feet? Also, did she not put them on when going to the loo?

I hope I have answered your questions, but anything please let me know?

I really hope you don't mind me asking all these questions about someone you no longer work with, - it's just really interseting hearing about someone in a similar position.

Sorry about the awful typing - in a rush!!

richyrich said...

Hi Emma,

Thanks for your latest answers. The lady I used to work with would stay in her stockinged feet the whole time as soon as she'd taken her shoes off, I never saw her in slippers or change to another pair of shoes. Sometimes when you saw her soles towards the end of the day, they could be a little bit dirty from walking around the office in her stockinged feet all day (especially as she usually wore light coloured tights so it was more visible) I don't think that she put her shoes back on to go to the loo.

Like you, she sometimes wore T-Bar shoes but I don't think I ever saw her in boots. It only took her a few seconds to take her shoes off and put them back on when it was time to go home, so it was no difficulty for her.

And this lady wasn't my own personal secretary but she did do some work for me so I dealt with her quite a lot.

Do you normally wear tights for work and if so what colour? (hope you don't mind me asking) Also do you mind me asking how long you've been working with the company you're with and if you started taking off your shoes as soon as you started with them or if you waited a while.

If you like you can e-mail me directly on richyrich54321@gmail.com rather than through this site to answer my latest questions or if you've got further questions for me, I'd be happy to amswer either on here or by e-mail, but feel free to e-mail me if you want.
Thanks,

Richy

Emma said...

Hi Richy,

Yes I do always wear tights in work. Usually light coloured like your ex-colleague and as you say they can get a bit dirty from being in stockinged feet all day although luckily our carpets are cleaned every eveningso it's not really a problem.

I think I should mention that I never go sholess outdoors.

How long did your ex-coolleague go shoelss for? Did she wear shoes initally and then start remving them?

Yes I have always done it since starting here.

Did you ever go out with your ex-collagues e.g Xmas parties or a leaving do etc and if so what did she do with her shoes? If I am in a reasturant or something I usually just slip them off.

Do you mind me asking whether you hink shoes off or slippers is better in a work setting?

Sorry for all he questions. Please let me know if you have any for me.

Would you rather e-mail I am happy either way.

richyrich said...

Hi Emma,
I hope you've had a good week and that you enjoy your weekend. Do you have any more babysitting appointments set up yet?
Although the carpets in the office where my former colleague and I worked were regularly cleaned, there were a few uncarpeted areas there too, especially the kitchen and a cellar that was used to store archived documents and my colleague used to go there quite a lot an didn't put her shoes back on for that either so that probably got her soles a bit dirty.
She started with the company a couple of months before I joined them and she worked shoeless from the beginning of my time there, although she seemed to be wearing her shoes a little more frequently at first so she probably did become more confident about taking them off as she stayed there longer. She stayed there after me (I was with the company for 2 and a half years)and although I haven't seen her since I left I did hear a few years ago that she was then a store manageress, I wonder if she worked shoeless there too.
As a company we did have social outings fairly frequently but I have no recollection of ever seeing her take her shoes off at any of those events.
In regard to your last question, if someone is to wear slippers at work I think they need to be of a fairly discreet appearance, they can look quite smart if they're of the right kind. I see nothing wrong with stockinged feet, especially if the feet are well pedicured, my colleague always looked very elegant in her stockinged feet (as she was always smartly dreessed and was also a good looking young lady)I think I did hear her saying a few times that she had her feet pedicured.

As I've said previously, I don't mind at all answering your questions, from what I can see on here you come across as a pleasant and friendly person. I was just thinking that if you are worried about our discussions taking up too much space on here and possibly boring other readers, communicating by e-mail would enable us to talk without doing that and I also enjoy chatting with you. However if you prefer using this site to e-mailing me I'm happy to carry on answering your questions on here too but again feel free to e-mail me if you want.
Thanks,

Richy

Mary said...

We ALWAYS ask our hosts if they want our shoes off when we arrive, even if we see everyone else at the gathering wearing their shoes. It's just the polite thing to do. 1 to be considerate and 2 since we are a no-shoes household.

Anonymous said...

I commented about the hospital bootie shoe slip on's in the New Years thread. I'm a guy and in the last twenty years I have had to remove my shoes once. This was in the midwest (U.S.); I was on a business call in a nice suit and tie. I felt a little put off but of course complied. Like I said in my previous post, I will have a pair of slip on's in the glove compartment of my car. They go on and off over the shoe in seconds. That should satisfy a host's desire for floor or carpet protection. Realtors have used these for years when showing homes. Personally, I have plantar facsiitis which requires me to have some sort of shoe on. Since I don't plan on explaining this condition everywhere I go, the bootie solution makes sense to me.

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