Thursday, July 30, 2015

Mumsnet: AIBU to tell people 'house rules' before they come & stay?

Mumsnet: AIBU to tell people 'house rules' before they come & stay?


Contrary to what is often said, a lot of posters on this thread suggested it is better to ask for shoes-off on arrival, rather than in advance.

I love it when this issue comes up on Mumsnet.

8 comments:

Bob said...

My wife and I differ a bit on this issue. If I am inviting a friend over who has not been to our house before I will tell them in advance of our no shoes rule. The reason being that men seem a bit more put off by having to take off their shoes. This gives them the opportunity to make sure they have nice socks on or if they feel uncomfortable having to take off their shoes they can find a polite way of declining.
My wife feels that women are much more willing to take off their shoes for a variety of reasons such as they are more attuned to keeping a home clean and floors unmarred and woman's shoes can be uncomfortable and taking them off is a relief.
My wife and I have encountered both situations. We both always checkout what the homeowner has on their feet....slippers or no shoes and we automatically take off our shoes otherwise depending on the state of the flooring we ask if we should.
We have been to homes where only the woman are asked to de-shoe this is generally where there are hardwood floors
Bob

Mark said...

We try and tell people in advance that shoes aren't worn in our house and as we have a combination of hard wood floors and carpet we generally ask them the bring slippers to wear. The wooden floors are slippery and are cold for most of the year. We live in the country so just about everyone takes shoes off.
In The mumsnet article the OP is behaving a bit like a drill sergeant and going beyond what is reasonable. I would find being told how to behave in the lavatory to be most disconcerting and presumptuous and I suspect the person has quite a few issues with control etc.
However I have never encountered this type of household(thankfully) but i do know that there are insipient psychological dangers surrounding continual household cleaning etc. sadly these tend to become stereotyped and used to deride people who simple ask everyone to remove their shoes.
Bob, when visiting I always remove my shoes and have found that in just about every home I have been to that this is what the family also do.

Matthew Celestis said...

Mark, I think it turned out that the OP on the Mumsnet thread was joking.

Matthew Celestis said...

Bob,

I have tended to assume that telling people in advance is better. But the idea that it might come across as officious made me think.

I think for people who might not be accustomed to removing their shoes, being informed in advance is better. For those who are likely to readily remove their shoes, they are better asked on arrival.

There is no obvious way to make the judgement, except that with older people in advance is more likely to be a better option and younger people can probably be asked on arrival.

Bob said...

Matthew,
The burning question is how do you define older!!!
My wife and I are in complete agreement with your second paragraph except we base our decisions on gender rather than age.
But you are correct there is no right or wrong way to do it. I think that it depends on what you as the host/hostess are most comfortable with.
Rest assured Matthew if we were to ever visit you we would remove our shoes without having to be asked!
Bob

Matthew Celestis said...

I'm thinking people over 45, who were raised under different rules of etiquette. My parents have a lot of friends in their sixties who tend to keep their shoes on in their own homes and in others. Though I do know other people that age who will readily remove their shoes.

Bob said...

We know a number of people in the 50's and 60's who readily remove their shoes not only in our home but their own as well.
My wife had a friend come over today as they were working on a project for the Republican party. I happened to answer the door she stepped in and immediately began to remove her sandals. I smiled and said oh you have been here before. She said that she had but regardless of our house rule she was taking off her shoes because they were just to noisy to walk around a home with them on. Now that is the first time I ever heard someone removing their shoes in a home not an apartment because they were noisy

Matthew Celestis said...

Very good. I'm glad you know people that age who remove their shoes. I do too, though I also know people that age who are less inclined to do so.